American Makes Ass of Himself on Chinese TV

Yes...I did.

And this is how it all started.

Well last weeks cold turned into bronchitis. So I asked my little Chinese sister Sophia if she would accompany me to the hospital.
I've had bronchitis before and knew that some antibiotics would fix me up.

The hospital its self was quite an adventure.
First you check in and pay a couple of yuan...25 cents. Then I go into an examination room where the Doctor tells me I need chest x-rays. Now I know I don't need chest x-rays so I say no...I'm not going to do that and that I want to speak to a Dr. that speaks some English.

A few minutes pass and before I know it there are a dozen or so Doctors in the room all standing around smoking and watching as a girl that speaks English starts to translate for me.

Sophia speaks English but when it comes to medical terms she didn't understand some of the terminoligy.
Antibiodics...
Penicillan...
Amoxicillan...

The new girls name was Tessa...Her father is a dentist here in Changxing. One of the Doctors called him because he knew his daughter spoke English.

Anyway I explained to her that last week I had a cold and now it had turned into bronchitis and that some antibiotics should clear it up and that x-ray were not necessary. She agreed but said that maybe they were just being extra careful because I was a foreigner. I'm thinking they could just charge me for unnecessary tests because I was a rich American. I asked Tessa if they gave everybody who came in with a cold chest x-rays and she said no. I figured.

They asked if they could test my blood to check for any viruses...I said sure as long as they used a new needle. The said that they never use needles more than once.

So they draw some blood and 5 mins. later the nurse came back into the smoke filled examination room and told me that I need some antibiotics.....NO *&^* , I say...and I did say that...but they didn't know what the heck I said.

One Dr. who spoke a little English brought me a book and pointed out the word "sensitive".
I took this to mean allergic...I pointed out in my little English to Chinese dictionary "Allergic" and he smiled and said Dui...Dui (yes...yes).
I said that I wasn't allergic to penicillin or Amoxicillin and that usually the Dr's. in America give me Amoxicillin.

They wanted to give me a test first to make sure that I wasn't allergic. So off to another room where they stuck me with another needle and told me I needed to wait 20 mins. to make sure that I didn't have a reaction the the antibiotics.

So I'm hanging out with all the smoking doctors and Tessa is telling me how she will be in a talent contest the next few days and that she will be playing out a scene from the movie Shrek.
I Told her that I loved that movie and that me and my kids had watched it a hundred times.
Then I did my Donkey imitation for her...aka Eddie Murphy.
She laughed and said I did a great donkey...
I gave Tessa my card and told here to e-mail me and to keep in touch.

Well 20 mins. passed and the nurse came in and looked at my arm and gave me the thumbs up for the Amoxicillin.
The Dr. wrote out a prescription and wrote me a note saying not to go to work for 3 days. I paid for the drugs...$2.00 and Sophia and myself hit the road. The one good thing about the whole Chinese hospital thing was the cost. All in all it cost me about $4.00.

Here's where it begins to get good.
The next day I'm laying in bed resting and watching some movies like a good patient when I get a call on me cell phone. It's Tessa...she says that here partner who was playing...Get this...Donkey had to back out at the last minute and wandered if I would help her out and play donkey for two mins. during the show... I just can't say no...

So I grab a shower and take a taxi to the theater and we spend a few mins. going over the lines and watching the segment on DVD.



While everybody else did the same!



Then we go backstage and wait for our turn on the stage for the rehearsal.

That's Tessa on the right.


Every body's hanging out and rehearsing their lines.


You could cut the tension with a knife.


Meanwhile I'm just hanging out taking pictures.


Then we do a quick rehearsal on stage...she says that I did great and says I can go back home and rest and practice with the DVD.


The next day she calls up and asks if I can be there about 6:30 pm for the show and I ask her what I should wear. She asked if I had something nice and I reply that I have a suit. Wow, that would be great if you could wear a suit...so i did.
I over packed for this trip anyway so it's nice that I get a chance to use some of these clothes that I lugged half way around the world!

When I arrive at the theater it was like Grammy night!! Thousands of people. TV crews...newspaper paparazzi.

I thought this was just a little talent show?


It seems it was more like a Chinese version of American Idol.

Now my Tom Cruise syndrome has really kicked in because every news camera and anybody with a camera wants a picture of the American in the suit.

Thank you...Thank you...no autographs please...Just kidding!

I get in the building and go backstage and hang out and snap a few pictures.

Our turn is up and we go on-stage and I do my donkey voice with Tessa as princess Fiona.


The whole thing takes about 2 mins.


Afterwards I go out and have a seat in the audience but everybody around me keeps watching me and not paying attention to the show. I felt a bit uncomfortable so I go backstage and say a few goodbyes and grab a taxi home.

Now I had no Idea that this was going to be on TV and as far as that goes...I'm supposed to be at home sick.

I get home and turn on my lap-top and the first thing I see is an e-mail from a Chinese friend saying he saw me on TV and that I was really a good donkey.

I'm guessing by now the people at school have either seen it too or somebody told them that I was on TV. I have nothing to hide!!

Come on...I can take 2 mins. and help a friend that helped me...?


Even if it means I make an Ass of myself!

Jim